Descriptions (unnecessary)
I will not recount to you, using highly descriptive words, all the stages of my child’s potty training. Daily.
Food (playing with it)
After I’m done with the lunch I had at my desk, I will not absentmindedly mash what’s left of my food together into a disgusting paste while I’m rolling calls and then expect you to be the one to scrape that mess into the garbage before putting the plate in the dishwasher.
Conference Calls (participating)
I will not ask you to schedule a conference call for me and five other people, to happen within the next hour, only to sigh and tell you, “Oh, they can do it without me,” when you have everyone on the line.
Research (digital)
I will not insist that you print out a list of links to websites you’ve compiled for research instead of emailing it to me, refusing to listen to your explanations about why that may not be the most efficient thing to do.
Sound (importance of)
I will not tell you to turn the sound of your instant messaging program off because it’s annoying me, and then get mad at you when you later don’t answer my IMs immediately, because you can’t hear them.
Gift Wrapping (too well done)
I will not make you rewrap a gift for one of my friends because the first wrapping job you did was too good for me to be able to pretend I did it myself.
Cell Phones (how they work)
I will not get mad at you because I turned my cell phone ringer off, and it therefore doesn’t ring when you try me with someone I’ve been trying to reach all week.
Communication (lazy)
I will not call you at 10:30PM to ask you to forward me an email from 3 hours ago that I “can’t” (meaning “don’t want to”) find in my inbox.
Solutions (secret)
I will not call you to freak out about a problem I need you to solve, and then, after you spend 2 hours scrambling to find a solution, let you know that actually, I figured it out for myself and forgot to tell you.
Errands (for me, sort of)
I will not make you run errands for my significant other, who is more important than I am and has 2 assistants of his/her own, as a way to make up to him or her after we’ve had an argument.
