To My Assistant

Notes for my future assistant. Let's both of us hope that I don't change too much in between now and whenever it is I have enough wealth and importance to hire you.

The Book

Read an excerpt here!

I will not make you sort my M&Ms by color.

I will not take off four hours in the middle of the day to go shopping and then announce upon my return that “it’s going to be a late one—we need to catch up!”

I will not request that you create and maintain my online dating profile.

In these pages, my dear assistant, lies everything you’ll need to know for that day in the way-too-distant future when I am finally rich and powerful enough to hire you. Unlike most of the bosses you’ll be unlucky enough to have, I’ll know that your college degree should be used for more than memorizing my strange lunch orders and lying to get me out of meetings with people I think are unimportant or unattractive. and I’m fairly confident that - despite being a Boss - I’ll still know how to dial in to a conference call, use words like please and thank you, and even look up things on Wikipedia, all by myself.

Yes, today I’m still one of you, sitting in my tiny cubicle, deprived of sunlight, and counting the minutes until happy hour. But when you’re my assistant, things will be different. Seriously. No, seriously. I promise.

LYDIA WHITLOCK graduated from Yale in 2008 with a degree in Film Studies and moved to L.A. with the hopes of making it big in show biz. Instead, she found herself a Hollywood assistant, where her experiences inspired her to create the popular blog ToMyAssistant.com.