To My Assistant

Notes for my future assistant. Let's both of us hope that I don't change too much in between now and whenever it is I have enough wealth and importance to hire you.

Let’s Clear Some Things Up

I’ve been putting this off for way too long, because I hate:

  • That thing where bloggers break character and start talking to you like you’re a close personal friend, which is ridiculous, because I’ve probably only met about 10 of you, but I’d like to think that we would all be friends IRL, since we have so much misery in common.
  • Self promotion.
  • The idea of outing myself before it was absolutely necessary.

But I think it’s time.

First of all, THANK YOU to everyone who emailed me to congratulate me on the CBS TV show. I appreciate it. However, that is not me. That is the other, very funny Hollywood assistants blogger. With that, and the Leslye Headland show at NBC, there’s a chance that there will be a TV show about assistants on the air some time next year, which would be fantastic.

But just so you guys don’t feel like you wasted all that effort congratulating me, I’ll tell you why I haven’t been posting as much over the last few months. It’s not because I got an amazing new job working for someone who doesn’t give me any fuel for the fire. It’s because I was writing a book. It will be published in April by Crown Archetype and is available for pre-order on Amazon now. Insert buy the cow, milk for free joke here. I know. But hopefully your bosses will buy it for you in an attempt to seem cool and self-aware, even though we all know that they are the opposite of that. And I think you’ll like the book. It’s not just the blog printed on paper - the book format allowed me to express all the indignities we suffer on a daily basis in so many different ways. 

And there might be some news on the TV side of things soon. There are about a million steps between an idea and getting that idea on the air, and I think I’m probably on step 3 or 4. Sorry to be coy. You know how it goes.

OK. I promise that I won’t get in the habit of doing this kind of thing, because it’s really annoying. Back to business as usual. 

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